From Blame to Gratitude

Love him or hate him, you can’t deny that Tony Robbins knows a thing or two about the power of a positive mindset. Recently, he blew our minds with a really simple, but powerful shift in perspective that involves finding the growth and gratitude in your hurt. Very few people in this world are evil to the core. It’s possible for someone to betray you in an unforgivable way, but to have also added value to your life. That’s where “blaming effectively” comes in.

We’ve all had a wide spectrum of people hurting us to varying degrees. Maybe your manager took credit for your work? Or a family member was disrespectful? Or a partner was unfaithful? Whatever it is, you’ve likely reached a breaking point where you got good and angry at the person for overstepping your boundaries and/or disregarding your feelings. Even if you received an apology, you might still harbor a little resentment. If you’re having trouble finding closure, maybe it’s time to not only claim the anger you feel for the person who wronged you, but also to claim the power in the lesson that wrong taught you.

First of all, it’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to hold people accountable for their actions, sometimes even to the point of cutting them off – but be thoughtful and fair with your blame. The other side of blaming someone for your troubles, is the acknowledgment that their actions were a catalyst for your growth. It’s also so important to blame others for the specific things they did to betray you, being careful not to romanticize the situation and hold a grudge about a fantasy future that may not have happened with or without the betrayal. 

Not only does blaming effectively help you to avoid the toxicity of villainizing someone, but it helps you to recognize the value in the lessons their negative actions taught you, and how you’ve grown as a result. For example, when talking about his abusive mother, Robbins said, “If she had been the mother I wanted, I would not be the man I am proud to be.”

Don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying it’s necessary to allow others to walk all over you in the spirit of personal growth, nor are we suggesting that you should be thankful for a betrayal. What we’re talking about is honoring the entirety of a relationship, instead of focusing only on the negative – allowing you to embrace your boundaries, as well as gratitude, growth and forgiveness.

This amazing shift in perspective makes it easier to forgive and move on – for your own sake. By allowing you to see the positive change in yourself (or the opportunity for growth), it allows you to let go of resentment. Because let’s be real, hanging on to resentment hurts you a lot more than the person you’re angry with.

By finding gratitude in the lessons we learn while navigating our relationship problems, they don’t have to be a source of ongoing pain. As Robbins said, “Problems are what make us grow. Problems are what sculpt our soul. Problems are what make us become more.”

Holistic Happiness Series: Get By With a Little Help from Your Friends

“Community” is a buzz word and it’s probably because studies are finding that the happiest people have strong relationships and spend time with friends (FB stalking doesn’t count, unfortunately). It’s easy to get caught up and realize you haven’t talked to your bestie in weeks, so give these tips a whirl and report back!

Phone a Friend

Social media makes it feel like you’re totally caught up on your friends’ lives, but we all know what we show on social isn’t always the whole picture. Try scheduling monthly calls (or even better, Facetime) with the people who are most important to you, so you can have some #realtalk…not text messages. It will make you feel deeply connected and supported, giving a boost to your mental state. Plus, it can be a good reminder of what is truly important in life. #blessed


Dinner Parties

In his TedxNashville presentation, clinical psychologist, Dr. Jerome Burt, went so far to say that dinner parties can save lives. The gist of this idea is that people are disconnected, and we wear the word ‘busy’ like a badge of honor. However, this busyness gets in the way of loving and belonging, which are essential to our happiness. Dr. Burt’s take – “you’re born wanting two things: food and belonging,” and breaking bread fulfills both. A little wine can’t hurt either.

Find Your Peeps

We love connecting with friends from all walks of life (obvi, we wrote a whole email about it). But, don’t be afraid to look outside of your squad for another source of support and inspiration. There are lots of organized groups and events that are centered around a specific theme – new parents, life transitions, new to the city, etc. Meetup, local fitness studio calendars, and Eventbrite are all great places to look. And of course awesome pop up events from yours truly that will be coming soon!

Note of Gratitude – People

Keeping a gratitude journal is a powerful tool, but we understand if it’s just one more thing filling up your to-do list. Instead, try grabbing whatever’s close by and jotting down the names of two people for whom you’re thankful to know. Recall a couple specific memories and the feelings you have (or had) when together. It should give you some happy feels, and if you haven’t talked to them in a while, see tip #1 above.

These tips aren’t meant to be a slam-dunk for everyone, but we hope they can give you some achievable ideas of how to inject a few more smiles into your day, and even promote long-term wellbeing. We are so grateful for this new Happy Hour community, and can’t thank you enough for joining us on this journey!