Tag Archives: journaling

12 Lessons in 12 Months – My 40th Birthday Reflection

Posted on

I began this annual birthday reflection a few years ago after being inspired by the practice introduced to me by Jay Shetty. When I’m in the midst of journaling, I’m typically expressing my deepest emotions and thoughts about what I’m going through in that moment. Doing this exercise really helps to zoom out and see how all of these experiences are so beautifully woven together.

This year was marked by big transitions, unexpected disruptions, deep joy, and moments that knocked the wind out of me. There were seasons of celebration and seasons of grief, times when life felt expansive and times when it felt unbearably tender. This year asked me to sit in stillness with contradiction – to hold what was beautiful and painful at the same time, without rushing to resolve or choose one story over the other. 

The lessons I write about weren’t learned in grand epiphanies, but in ordinary moments, that I’ve now strung together to create much larger meaning and purpose. I hope you find a nugget of wisdom that resonates with you too. 

 

Lesson #1 – November 2024

A five minute conversation with love can shift everything

 

If you’ve read my birthday reflection emails in years past, you already know how inspiring I find Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing and concepts. In November, I stumbled upon her substack, particularly an entry in which she talks about a practice called “Two-Way Prayer.” As luck would have it, this practice was just what I needed during this season. Here’s how it works, you open your notebook, and write the question: “Dear Love (or God, or whatever feels right to you), what would you have me know today?”, and from there you simply write whatever naturally comes to the tip of your pen. The trick here is not to overthink, and don’t spend more than five minutes doing it. It’s not meant to be perfect prose, but simply a practice in allowing the love that is always in you, to come to the surface and be seen and felt for a brief moment. That brief moment can be a powerful reset that gives you a genuinely, positive reset. 

 

Lesson #2 – December 2024

When you’re feeling bogged down, remember your “why”

 

I met December with a schedule that was packed and planned down to the minute. With two kids who were in full swing of the magic of Santa, I reminded myself that the years are flying by and to try to be present in these special moments. Wrapping up work for the year was equally busy, and I reminded myself that the vision of this work isn’t to get my to-do list done. There is no reward for checking off all the boxes. I spent some time thinking about my why, when my mind felt like it was being pulled in a hundred directions. I was grateful to have taken a trip with my family, where I remembered the importance of play. Traveling across the country for Christmas, and having the chance to swim in the ocean and tune out the rest of the world reminded me of just how small I am in this world, and validated my earlier notion of not sweating the small stuff.

In preparation for a Pathfinder client that I was going to be supporting on her creative journey, I re-read Big Magic for the third time. Each time I read it with a new perspective and experience under my belt, and it gives me just what I need in that season. A favorite passage from this time around was: “What are the treasures hidden inside you? What do they want you to say yes to? The hunt to uncover those jewels, that’s creative living.” 

 

Lesson #3 – January 2025

Perspective is a beautiful teacher

 

January always brings a welcome hibernation. It’s dark and cold out, the holiday buzz has worn off, and everyone is thinking about their intentions for the upcoming year. I thought a lot about what I wanted to let go of in this next season of life: situations that make me feel “ugh,” feeling the need to “do it all,” worry, grudges, unreasonable expectations. I really felt determined and ready to stand my ground with confidence and kindness. I used the metaphors of a mountain, a staple, and a pillar to help me bring to life how I wanted to feel. I have felt that way before, and I really wanted to show up as that in my daily life. My intentional word for the year was “affirmed.” 

Shortly after these reflections, the devastating wildfires swept through California, and I feared for a loved one whose neighborhood was destroyed. I had so much gratitude that she was OK, and was deeply saddened that many in her community were not. My daughter and I flew to LA as her cheer squad after she said goodbye to her beloved home. Despite the circumstances, our togetherness and immense love for each other made it one of the most fulfilling weekends on record for the three of us. Once again, I learned the power of perspective, and boy is she a beaut. 

I wrote this down in my journal, and am really hoping these were my wise words and not just me forgetting to put a quotation and author down 🤣, but regardless, it’s a lovely sentiment: “I want to see with my heart, put words to the inexplicable, and meet creativity in a two way conversation.” 

 

Lesson #4 – February 2025

Peace comes not from fixing reality, but from letting go of resistance — making room for clarity, compassion, and connection

 

February was another month of some heart-bursting highs and some painfully low lows. I felt fulfilled and empowered by a few bonding experiences with the women in my life, which reminded me of the value of nurturing relationships with the special women in your life. 

I witnessed some deep struggles from my inner-circle, and felt gutted on more than one occasion. I struggled myself with more macro events of the world, that seemed to be led by fear and anger- pretty much the antithesis of how I am built. In the synchronous, universe-knows-best timing of things, a client of mine became intrigued by Radical Acceptance, and so we dug into the concept together. Wouldn’t you know, it was just what I also needed. Some questions I explored from Radical Acceptance: 

  • How would my life feel different if I stopped resisting the pain around the reality and embraced what is?
  • What would it look like to accept this reality without fixing it or changing it?
  • What past situation have I eventually accepted, and how did that shift things for me?

 

Lesson #5 – March 2025

Presence turns endings into something I can carry with me

 

March marked the two-month countdown of moving out of our home of nearly seven years, so looming change was getting really real. I got sappy going down memory lane as I cleaned out my children’s collections, and a little spazzy trying to perfectly plan where everything would go in the new house and what our new systems would be — with my number one goal being to finally solve the mystery of how there could always be no fewer than six pairs of children’s socks scattered across the floor at any given moment. I guess life is pretty good when these are the things keeping you up at night.

Even so, a major life change has a way of luring a recovering perfectionist back toward the familiar comfort of control. I continued to remind myself that I didn’t have to have all the answers on day one. And certainly not on day one minus 60 days. Cue the radical acceptance work: 

“At this moment, do I accept myself just as I am?” This ran through my mind over and over and over. 

I decided that I wanted to let myself feel all the memories that flooded in – bringing home our second baby, his first steps, meeting our puppy, Easter egg hunts in the back yard, making baked ziti for Christmas Eve dinner and then sleeping together in the living room when the electricity (and thus heat) went out all over Nashville, sheltering in place together during the weirdest year of life, the list goes on and on. I wanted to sear these memories into my brain. Practicing presence was crucial to be able to take it all in, and by the end of it, it somehow made the emotional toll of the move easier. It gave a sort of closure to know that I could take all of those important milestones with me. 

 

Lesson #6 – April 2025

Find your village and hold it close

 

April opened with celebration – my little sister’s wedding, where we were surrounded by family and friends from many different seasons of my life. Standing beside her as Matron of Honor – and having the chance to speak about who she is – felt especially meaningful. As I prepared her speech, I felt so inspired by her that I jotted down some takeaways to apply to my own life: do more of what you want without worrying about others’ opinions; see the good in people; be unapologetically you. I was reminded to play more and let life feel a little lighter. 

On return from the magical weekend of the wedding, I experienced a stark turn of events when I came face-to-face with the reality that The Happy Hour studio had flooded from a four-day deluge of rain that left much of the city under water. I was beyond grateful for the village surrounding me during this chaos: our neighbors who not only sounded the alarm to us, but also jumped in to help (that’s you Fahrenheit ladies), Claire, who dealt with it in real-time while I was away, my women’s business group who listened to me cry, and my THH team who remained steady and supportive while I was having trouble seeing the forest through the trees. This experience nudged me to let myself accept the help from all around, and highlighted the importance of having that proverbial village around you. 

 

Lesson #7- May 2025

Figure out what is sacred to you and prioritize it

 

May 3rd, moving day. Surrounded by boxes, I reflected on how different our lives look compared to when we moved in nearly seven years ago as a three-person family where I grew into motherhood, flanked by a brood of three different dogs than we have today. Somehow it feels like a lifetime ago, but yesterday at the same time. This process put into perspective the importance of presence and not “sweating the small stuff” because you won’t remember the small stuff in the long-run. It was a great reminder to prioritize what matters and hold it close. 

I wrote: Dear House, you gave us charm, love, closeness, togetherness, sleep training, potty training, falling asleep on the floor while doing said training, and so many mental health walks. Holding space is an under-recognized, under-appreciated healing art. And house, you nailed it.”

I didn’t journal for three more weeks. I was hard at work making a new house a home. 

 

Lesson #8 – June 2025

I can hold relief and disappointment, grief and gratitude, without forcing myself to choose between them

 

The theme this month was all about holding two things at the same time: living in opposites without forcing myself to choose one or the other. We finally put the flood remediation and insurance disputes behind us — an ending that felt both relieving and disappointing at the same time. It forced me to zoom out and reconnect with my why. The flood and its impact on the business wasn’t the story; it was a moment. What mattered more was the larger vision of impact — serving my community and extending that work beyond it. In the long arc of things, this will be a blip on the radar. 

In re-visiting my journal entries, it was clear I was being overly critical of my feelings, and second guessing myself. This is easy to do when you feel spread thin. Looking back with fresh eyes is such a great reminder to remember that these punctuations don’t define you, and with determination and softness you can get through anything. At the same time, I had many tender moments with my children, got to bear witness to two of my best friends getting married, and traveled to Paris for my 15 year wedding anniversary and got lost in the freeness of the city. 

 

 Lesson #9 – July 2025

Do what you can to be actively thankful

 

The day after we returned from our big trip, the news broke of the deadly flooding in Texas. It felt so close to home, and my heart ached for the families who lost their loved ones. I cycled through feelings of sadness, guilt, desperation, and a heightened fear for how fragile and precious life is. I tuned into a church sermon the Sunday following these events, and it was about washing away your fear with love. This became my mantra this month, and brought me back to the November lesson of spending five minutes with love. 

The same sermon talked about gratitude, and the cycle of that can commonly happen. It went something like this: 1) overwhelmingly thankful – you feel it in every cell of your body; 2) extremely thankful – a little toned down, but still verbally expressing gratitude; 3) silently thankful – you’re not verbally sharing it with anyone; 4) indifferent – you don’t feel strongly one way or the other; 5) unthankful; 6) entitled. The whole point of this was to encourage listeners to be actively thankful, share their thanks with others, write it down, and make it meaningful to you. Being actively thankful helps maintain connections with people in your life who are important to you, and helps create resilience when inevitable hardships arise. This just reminded me of one of the first definitions I ever heard of “spirituality,” which was “anything that brings you closer to gratitude.” 

 

Lesson # 10 – August 2025

Don’t underestimate the power of herzensbildung

 

We welcomed the back to school season, and adapted to another new schedule, which was met with open arms and excitement for a consistent routine. I read the book How to Know a Person, by David Brooks, and I loved his concept of Illuminators and Diminishers. The titles are pretty self-explanatory, but he described Illuminators to “have a persistent curiosity about people…they know what to look for and how to ask the right questions at the right time. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up.” Whereas, Diminishers “make other people feel small and unseen. They see other people as things to be used, not persons to be befriended. They stereotype and ignore. They are so concerned with themselves that other people are just not on their radar screen.” Yikes. 

I thought a lot about what it would look like to show up as an illuminator in all parts of my life. When I am coaching my job is to ask the right questions and make people feel seen. How can I ensure that I bring this same quality out of the office with me consistently? What’s that saying…”the painter’s house is never painted”? I want to be sure my house is always painted, so to speak. The book talked about a German word, herzensbildung, which means to train one’s heart to see the full humanity in another. In literal translation it’s “heart education.” I love that. 

 

Lesson #11 – September 2025

When in doubt, return to a Beginner’s Mind

 

This month we celebrated the joy of two birthdays in our family, and one unexpected loss of our sweet puppy, Penelope. Remember when I said this year was about living in duality? My intention through it all was to stay in my truth, and try to keep tuning into my wisdom. Helping my children learn how to grieve in a healthy and authentic manner was a painful, yet powerful teacher to me as well. My son turned to ritual, singing songs about our beloved puppy; and my daughter illustrated her grief with words, “my grief feels like an icky perfume is stuck in my chest.” I was in awe of them, and felt like I learned as much from them. I was reminded of the powerful concept of a Beginner’s Mind. 

I revisited my two-way prayer practice, and was inspired to model love, rest when rest was needed, and push when strength was needed. Despite the hardship, I felt really present with my clients and honed in on being an Illuminator. 

 

Lesson #12 – October 2025

We are all ages we’ve ever been

 

October tied all of this year’s experiences together with a nice little bow. On the way to The Happy Hour’s retreat at Miraval in Austin, I listened to a meditation in which listeners are guided to meet their Higher Selves. I let my imagination run wild, and was able to see my higher self as a steady woman with a soft smile on her face, propped up against a tree holding hands with three younger versions of myself. The concept “we are all ages we’ve ever been,” reverberated through my mind. I was reminded of how nurturing these selves isn’t about going backwards, but rather the opposite, it fosters forward movement, healing and growth. 

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

Waves of Gratitude and a Psychic Reading: My Journey to Spirituality

Posted on

When a mentor of mine first encouraged me to blog about my journey to finding spirituality, I tried to look for reasons to say no. Not only because it had been so long since I had written, but also because I was worried that I wasn’t going to have the time to do these big spiritual activities let alone write about them. I had imagined that the stops along this spiritual path were all going to be huge, time consuming endeavors. It’s so funny to me now how so much of what I was doing was being motivated by saving time (and yes, fear). Nevertheless, I decided to consider it, and did what I did best at the time – made a to-do list, detailing exactly when and how I was going to approach each of these activities. Yes, I made a to-do list of how I was going to find spirituality. ::facepalm::

The things on my list were “big,” meaning time consuming and expensive. I knew a routine like this wasn’t sustainable, but I was so excited and curious about what I might find, that I started off aggressively. Having already whizzed through the first half of my list, I’ve been pleasantly surprised that often the biggest change has come from the small things. The really doable things that I’d been putting off because I didn’t believe something so easy could have such a profound impact.

Before I jump into the power I’ve found in small changes, let’s talk about a “big thing,” because let’s be honest they are super fun and interesting. A Psychic Reading was always something I wanted to try, but had allowed fear to stop me. Fear told me that a psychic may predict something horrible and out of my control. Fear also asked me what would happen if I started to truly believe in this metaphysical stuff? I’ve always felt a deep sense of intuition, but haven’t listened to it. Maybe I was scared to think about what might change in my life if I became a true believer. This time around, curiosity swooped in to save the day…what’s the best that could happen? I set boundaries with myself that for this first reading I would take everything with a grain of salt, and not make it such a big deal. It was a really cool feeling because I was walking into something completely new with pure excitement instead of my usual intense nerves.

I had no idea what to expect, but the psychic was warm and unintimidating, while confident and matter of fact. We started with an astrological reading based on my birthday, and then she pulled out a deck of tarot cards to “see what was coming up” for my family, me, and my business. A lot of what she said resonated, but most importantly brought me into a state of presence and self-reflection.

Some of the concepts she brought up were so specific and spot on that it made me start to trust that everything is more connected than I once thought. I shed some tears when she brought up some things that I too had been feeling so strongly in my gut, but didn’t have the confidence to know for sure. I still don’t know if you can ever know for sure, but it felt good to know that somebody else (and an objective source) felt it too.

When she provided some less specific information, I liked that I could interpret it how I wanted. It brought me closer to self-awareness, and acted as a prompt to get me thinking about some things that were sitting just below the surface. I took the information and used it to coach myself and reflect on what her words meant to me. I left feeling excited, filled with wonder, and proud that I tried something new.

A major takeaway for me though, is that this “big experience” wasn’t the only answer that was going to get me to the peace, calm, connection, and presence I’m looking for. I don’t think any one thing can do that. It was a valuable and fun way to complement my spiritual practice, but the biggest gift on this journey so far has been what I’ve received from making the smallest changes.

It feels a little underwhelming to say, but the most impactful way I’ve uncovered my authentic spirituality is through reading and writing. I know, snore, but daily journaling has been the key to bringing me closer to an authentic and lasting state of gratitude.

If you read the last post you know that I like to journal about how I got over my BS yesterday, or how I’m going to get over it today. I have also found another tool I’m using to help me understand my place in the universe as a whole, and to inspire my journaling practice. It’s called “The Book of Awakening,” by Mark Nepo.

I was introduced to this book by a fellow life coaching trainee. She started each day by reading one page from this book of daily devotionals and profound messages. In my desperation to find a spiritual ritual, I copied this practice from her. Real original, right? But, the thing about spiritual practices is that if they are truly authentic to you, they’ll wind up in your hands one way or another. I no longer look at it as being unoriginal, but rather as the universe putting me right where I was meant to be to discover a practice that has become so meaningful to me.

Here’s an excerpt that spoke to me, particularly as it pertains to this journey, “When we find our spirit on the move when we are pretending otherwise, the tension can be ripping. It leaves us all with the need to learn how to discern between an innocent not-knowing and a willful looking away. This is an inner knowing that can determine whether we will live like a dog at the end of our leash or whether we will run free through the grasses of life.”

The presence that has come from this new daily routine has at times suggested, and other times slapped me in the face with new truths.

One thing I know to be true is that I want to run free through the grasses of life.

I don’t know why I was so apprehensive about getting back into journaling. Maybe because it made me feel like an emo teenager, or maybe because I didn’t think it was deserving of my precious time. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Committing the time to explore my being through journaling, has been an empowering experience that has actually made me more productive.

A beautiful side effect of journaling has been that it has kept my gratitude list top of mind. Not only does this gratitude put things into perspective, but it has physically helped me relax and feel lighter. There’s actual science behind this that says when you think about what you’re grateful for, your brain releases dopamine and serotonin (the feel good neurotransmitters), and the more often you do this, the stronger these feel good neural pathways become, creating a more permanent positive nature. I remember having read that at some point but haven’t actually experienced it until now.

I am now relishing in little things and messages I may have previously raced right by without second thought. These little things now trigger waves of gratitude as I go about my day. It may sound crazy, but I don’t really care because even if it is, it sure feels good.

I feel compelled to note that as much as I’d like to walk around like Buddha all the time, I am human and it’s not always all bliss. The past few days have really tested me, and I didn’t always like the way I reacted to things. The good news is that I now know what tools to use to get me back to being grounded versus continuing to spin out of balance.

It’s hard to put into words the way this “grounding” feels. I’m going to share with you a note from my daily journal that brings to life the gift that this spiritual journey has given me versus trying to rewrite it into some beautiful prose. Here goes:

From Clara’s journal, February 12th: “It’s Tuesday, and I’m writing out an overwhelming to do list. Both kids are still sick, it’s raining outside, and I am dragging ass. In the midst of writing my to do list, I get to item #9, and when I normally would begin to panic, I felt a wave of gratitude. I can’t really explain it other than my chest feeling filled with light and love, and a smile came to my face. Maybe because with a shift in mindset, more gratitude, and a feeling of connection to something bigger, my to do list doesn’t seem like such a daunting task anymore, but rather a collection of all the wonderful things that make up my life.” 

Today I tried something new. I only put one thing on my to-do list: Flow.