What the Heck is Reparenting?


You’ve probably noticed the term ‘reparenting’ coming up in mental wellness discussions recently, and there’s a good chance you’re as curious as we were when we first learned about it – can I really change the impact of my upbringing? Do I really want to?

In this two blog series, we’re going to break down what reparenting is, how we all could benefit from it, and how to actually do it. BTW, the need to reparent doesn’t mean your parents did a bad job or that you had a bad childhood. It’s simply a chance to improve your thought processes to make for a happier life.

In a nutshell, reparenting is the process of healing from previous emotional wounds by making small, intentional choices to act in a way that helps you to achieve your goals. Essentially, it is learning to love and support yourself in a way that allows you to identify and move past emotional triggers and toxic behaviors such as self-sabotage, people pleasing, substance abuse, and the need for external validation.

Our minds have the incredible ability to help us cope with different situations without us even knowing about it. One way they do this is by creating subpersonalities in your mind that let you look at things from different perspectives, and draw upon different parts of your experiences to make informed decisions.

Reparenting deals with our subpersonalities known as the ‘inner child’ and the ‘inner parent’. (These names are purely descriptive and far less important than their function, so if a name doesn’t feel right to you – rename it – it’s your subpersonality after all!)

Your inner child is a close acquaintance of another subpersonality that most of us are all too familiar with: ‘the inner critic’. When your inner critic shows up and you begin to put yourself down, there’s usually another part of you that feels hurt, embarrassed or disappointed – the subpersonality that feels pain in that situation is your inner child.

The emotional wounds of your youth don’t need to be catastrophic events, or even anything that stands out in particular. It could be something as simple as a parent not acknowledging your reality or your feelings. Were you ever told to “just put on a happy face” when you were upset? Over time, these seemingly uneventful events could teach you not to trust yourself.

Your inner parent is the subpersonality that most resembles your parents, or other authority figures of your youth. Much like your actual parents, your inner parent will both praise and criticize you in an attempt to safely guide you through life. When your inner parent doesn’t take care of your inner child, your inner child holds onto your emotional memories and resentment. When triggered, this pain will manifest itself as irrational, toxic, or self-sabotaging behaviors.

Let’s be real, although our parents had the best intentions, no one can be perfect all the time. The harm caused by parents is often unintentional and can be tough to pinpoint (this is different, however, in cases of abuse). It could be something as subtle as a young girl watching her mother struggle with her own low self-esteem related to her appearance, something with which many of us can relate. The very same low self-esteem could manifest itself as a subconsciously learned behavior in the girl as she gets older.

The cool thing about reparenting is that it gives you an opportunity to bring that subconsciously learned behavior to your conscious, and then choosing to learn a new behavior, improving your quality of life.

In the next installment of this series, we’ll share some simple steps to get started reparenting yourself – some of which take up less than a minute of your day!  We’ll also be sharing tips about when to work with your therapist on this topic. Check it out here!


  • Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy, by Jay Early, Ph.D.
  • Parenting Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You’ve Always Wanted to Be Loved, by Yong Kang Chan

Mental Health and Crisis Resources

The Happy Hour’s goal is to make the world a happier place, one conversation at a time, and we’d love to talk to you! Until we have a physical location, please feel free to contact us at info@thisishappyhour.com and we’ll help put you touch with the support you need.

Read on for a variety of mental health resources from lifelines, to useful information, our favorite apps, and other inspiration.

If you have experienced a natural disaster or mass violence, are in crisis, or are thinking about harming yourself, please know that you are loved, and you are not alone – there is always someone to talk to. At this stage, we are not able to monitor our inbox 24 hours a day, so please call one of the the numbers below. If talking feels overwhelming, there is also a Crisis Text Line listed.

The Disaster Distress Helpline



Crisis Text Line

Text HOME to 741741


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline



If you know someone that might be in crisis, let them know that they’re important to you and that you are there to listen. Try not to give advice, but rather remain a trusted listener, and refer them to the resources above.



Content and tools that we find interesting, inspiring and helpful

Holistic Happiness Series: 4 Reasons to Ditch Self-Deprecating Humor



How many times have you found yourself in a situation where your friend says something like,”I like your outfit!” and you retort “Oh you’re just not used to seeing me out of my sweats”? Heck, even J.Law does it! It can be tempting to make fun of yourself for a laugh, or automatically deflect to some reasoning when someone gives you a compliment. It may seem funny, but it can have a harmful impact on your mental wellbeing. Read on for 4 reasons why you should stop making fun of yourself and just say THANK YOU!

4 Reasons to Ditch Self-Depreciation and Just Say “Thanks”

  1. Even when used to get a laugh, self-depreciation perpetuates low self-esteem and subconsciously makes you feel unworthy.
  2. It creates an unhealthy habit of thinking pessimistically, which negatively impacts your mood and overall happiness.
  3. Self-depreciation lowers your energy… enough said!
  4. Talking negatively about yourself trickles down to your kids and young adults, suggesting it’s it’s OK to talk badly about yourself.


Bottom line, start making it a habit to just say “thank you,” and see what kind of change it makes in your confidence and mental wellbeing. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the kids (see #4)!

Holistic Happiness Series: Get By With a Little Help from Your Friends

“Community” is a buzz word and it’s probably because studies are finding that the happiest people have strong relationships and spend time with friends (FB stalking doesn’t count, unfortunately). It’s easy to get caught up and realize you haven’t talked to your bestie in weeks, so give these tips a whirl and report back!

Phone a Friend

Social media makes it feel like you’re totally caught up on your friends’ lives, but we all know what we show on social isn’t always the whole picture. Try scheduling monthly calls (or even better, Facetime) with the people who are most important to you, so you can have some #realtalk…not text messages. It will make you feel deeply connected and supported, giving a boost to your mental state. Plus, it can be a good reminder of what is truly important in life. #blessed


Dinner Parties

In his TedxNashville presentation, clinical psychologist, Dr. Jerome Burt, went so far to say that dinner parties can save lives. The gist of this idea is that people are disconnected, and we wear the word ‘busy’ like a badge of honor. However, this busyness gets in the way of loving and belonging, which are essential to our happiness. Dr. Burt’s take – “you’re born wanting two things: food and belonging,” and breaking bread fulfills both. A little wine can’t hurt either.

Find Your Peeps

We love connecting with friends from all walks of life (obvi, we wrote a whole email about it). But, don’t be afraid to look outside of your squad for another source of support and inspiration. There are lots of organized groups and events that are centered around a specific theme – new parents, life transitions, new to the city, etc. Meetup, local fitness studio calendars, and Eventbrite are all great places to look. And of course awesome pop up events from yours truly that will be coming soon!

Note of Gratitude – People

Keeping a gratitude journal is a powerful tool, but we understand if it’s just one more thing filling up your to-do list. Instead, try grabbing whatever’s close by and jotting down the names of two people for whom you’re thankful to know. Recall a couple specific memories and the feelings you have (or had) when together. It should give you some happy feels, and if you haven’t talked to them in a while, see tip #1 above.

These tips aren’t meant to be a slam-dunk for everyone, but we hope they can give you some achievable ideas of how to inject a few more smiles into your day, and even promote long-term wellbeing. We are so grateful for this new Happy Hour community, and can’t thank you enough for joining us on this journey! 

A Day to Celebrate Our Mental Health


“We all have mental health – just as we all have physical health. It is so important that we look after our mental wellbeing in the same way that we look after our physical health.” – Prince Harry

Today is World Mental Health Day and we plan to celebrate how far the conversation around mental health has come. Even in the short time we have been working on building out The Happy Hour, the topic of mental health has become so much more common and accepted. Mental health issues affect every single one of us to some degree – and the world is finally talking about it openly and with understanding.

Talking to someone is key to good mental health. It should be just as easy to talk to someone as it is to drop into your favorite yoga class. The Happy Hour thinks it’s time that mental health services came to Main Street.

We want people to see how taking care of their mental health can fit right alongside their favorite self care services. We want everyone to have the same pride in taking the time to talk to someone as they do when they take the time to get a massage or work on their abs.

To celebrate World Mental Health Day, we’d like to share some content and tools we personally find interesting, inspiring and helpful.

We hope you do too.

Calm App
Insight Timer App
Guided Meditations from UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center
To Write Love on Her Arms
Born This Way Foundation
Sarah Silverman on Her Struggle with Depression
Kristen Bell on Anxiety and Depression

If you are thinking about harming yourself, or know someone that might be, please know that you do matter, you are loved, and you are not alone – there is always someone to talk to. 
24/7 National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255