From the cradle to the grave, humans desire a certain someone who will look out for them, notice and value them, soothe their wounds, reassure them in life’s difficult places, and hold them in the dark.
Sue Johnson, Ph.D., creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy
Ah, Valentine’s Day. A day full of expensive dinner reservations, flowers, and candy, but often also full of expectations that may or may not be fulfilled. Often in my work with couples, I see unmet expectations from one or both partners, and the inevitable deterioration of connection as a result. As you may imagine, most couples’ dissatisfaction is rarely about the flowers or candy, but the absence of a feeling of connection, love, and being valued.
I recently completed an EFT externship at Trevecca University, and was blown away by the work of Sue Johnson and others regarding attachment, conflict patterns, and restoration of connection in couples. The intensive 4 day training reinforced a belief I already knew in my heart- that couples don’t struggle because one person likes to spend more money than the other, or one person leaves the dishes in the sink. They struggle because they are insecurely attached to one another and are not experiencing the connection humans are born needing.
So, what is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach designed to enhance the emotional connection and security within relationships. It focuses on identifying and reshaping negative patterns of interaction, fostering communication, and ultimately promoting a more secure and satisfying bond between individuals.
How can Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) help me and my partner with our connection?
Think of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) as relationship magic. It dives deep into the emotional stuff, helping couples figure out their quirks and needs. EFT transforms the “weird tension” moments into a tag-team of understanding, so partners can communicate better and trust more.
How can I get started on repairing connection with my partner?
I cannot recommend ‘Hold Me Tight’, by Dr. Sue Johnson enough as a starting point! Check it out here. Couples therapy is also helpful to bring in an unbiased guide to reconnection.