October 13, 2021
“Maybe I am just bad at dating” — Ever thought this about yourself? I think we all have at one time or another, but I am here to tell you: YOU ARE NOT BAD AT DATING. Ok, maybe if you have never, ever, once been interested in going on a date and you’ve self isolated in the swiss alps, dating might not be your thing, but then you are likely not reading this blog. So if you are still with me, then congrats! You have what it takes.
By viewing dating as something we pass or fail at, you aren’t opening yourself up to the reality of how complex and messy human relationships actually are. Are you still grading yourself on dating by how many dates you’ve gone on in the past few months, how attractive or successful the other person was, or by how many matches you have on your dating app? Most of our metrics for dating success exist outside of ourselves. How has that worked out for you?
What if you could course correct to finding genuine happiness in yourself, a confidence and sense of contentment that attracts the person that is ready and right for you? (Wouldn’t that be nice?) Well that starts with learning about yourself and loving who that person is. Do you know what your real values are? Do you understand your attachment style and how it shows up in dating and relationships? Can you recognize your blind spots and your patterns? All this matters, because if you don’t understand and know who you are, you are likely to use the other person to fill in the gaps, leading you to abandon yourself, get attached too quickly or find yourself in an unhealthy relationship because you ignored the red flags. Think about it, do you really want to become a Brad Pitt character and start morphing into all the people that you date?
(btw your hair looks great as it is, don’t change it)
A relationship shouldn’t be two ‘halves’ coming together to make a ‘whole’. It should be two “wholes” coming together to share happiness.
And if you look at dating as a chore, or if every first date is the ‘first day of the rest of your lives’ then maybe you could evolve your outlook. Here is how you become rejection proof: change how you approach dating. Dating can be as simple as two strangers who are no longer trying to be strangers anymore. Personally, when I changed my outlook from ‘I need to find my soulmate’ to ‘I’d just like to meet some new people in town, hopefully make some new friends’ then things got SO MUCH EASIER. It was a successful transition for me, could it be for you?
Lastly, what avenues are you looking at? Are you only on the online dating scene? What are you interested in? Yes, that matters, because involving yourself in activities and events that you enjoy can have some major payoff. One, you are giving yourself the gift of something that brings you joy, two, it yields more chances for meeting someone with similar interests. It might sound scary to join an intramural sports team, or sign up for a class, or volunteer for an event, but you will never know if you don’t try. I dare even say that maybe taking a break entirely from dating may be the right course for you?
I would like to help you more with this but honestly there is too much to cover in this one blog. But good news, we have 6 sessions dedicated to learning and talking about all this* with your dream team, Amy and I. Listen, I know that signing up for a dating course can seem embarrassing or intimidating, but think about it like this: what you learn in a course like this doesn’t have to just apply to dating. You can apply this information to improving all the relationships in your life. I know that dating can feel like swimming upstream, but I sincerely hope that after this course, it will feel like floating down a lazy river with an umbrella drink in your hand.