Author Archives: The Happy Hour

Navigating Chronic Illness

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If you suffer from a chronic health condition and/or an invisible illness, like me, you might find yourself feeling burnt out, frustrated, misunderstood, and exhausted. There are a few things that are important for you to know about living with a chronic health condition. The first thing to know is you are not alone- about 60% of Americans have a chronic health condition. This means that over 150 million people in the US have a physical or mental health condition that lasts more than a year and either limits ability or requires ongoing treatment.  The second thing to know is that there are ways to cope with the impact your chronic condition has in your life and there is support out there to help. Coming from personal experience living with a chronic autoimmune disorder, having the right support and tools makes all the difference. I hope to share with you a few tips I have learned with my professional experience, personal experience, and research of course! 

People who suffer from chronic illness often identify with having what we call an invisible illness- think highlight reel on instagram. Having an invisible illness means oftentimes people do not know you are struggling and you have to make decisions whether or not to disclose to them either your condition or your symptoms. This can bring on feelings of being a burden, being seen as weak, or fear of being treated differently. To add- it can also be extremely frustrating to hear things like, “you don’t look sick” or “you seemed fine yesterday”. Chronic health conditions can have fluctuations in symptoms from moment to moment, so yes- I might have been fine yesterday but now my symptoms are flaring up or I have used up all my energy. 

 

Having an invisible illness also means you have to be your own advocate with medical professionals and the healthcare system. A component of most chronic health conditions is not having a cure or straightforward testing in order to get a confirmed diagnosis. Many people with chronic health conditions have struggled for years without any answers or reasoning behind their symptoms. Lastly, having an invisible illness or chronic health condition can lead to feelings of isolation and low self-esteem. It can feel like you have lost control of your life and your future.

Struggling with symptoms that either people cannot see, cannot understand, or cannot cure is extremely difficult. Although we all have different experiences with our conditions and functioning level, it is important to recognize that we often have had to go through a grieving process- grieving our physical abilities, our mental abilities, our expectations, our life goals, or a life we previously had. Looking towards the future can be difficult when we don’t always know what the next day holds.

There are two main resources I lean on in my practice and my personal health journey- the Spoon Theory and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Let’s talk more about these concepts.

 

Spoon Theory

The Spoon Theory is a way to demonstrate to healthy people what it is like for someone living with a chronic health condition or illness. The idea behind Spoon Theory is that a healthy person starts their day with an endless amount of spoons and someone with a chronic illness starts each day with a limited amount. Each task in your day uses a certain amount of spoons (think of spoons as energy). For those with a chronic condition, they have to be intentional about what they use their spoons on because if they over use their daily spoons, they then start the next day with less spoons. Over time, chronically using all of the spoons for the day leaves them at a deficit. Having a set number of spoons is also representative of being controlled by a disease, illness, or condition. We would all like to have endless spoons and not have to think about where we are “spending” for the day. 

The Spoon Theory is a helpful way to express the struggles people living with a chronic illness face when deciding what to do with their energy, or spoons, each day. What this might look like is if I know I have a social event in the evening, I might have to cut back on something else that day in order to save up enough spoons for that event. Sometimes when we have a chronic illness, we often have to be mindful of not “over doing it” and therefore have to set boundaries on what we can and cannot achieve in a day. For a healthy person, they might experience this concept when they are sick with a cold or flu. 

This leads me to another aspect of the Spoon Theory. When you have to constantly be thinking about how you spend you spoons for the day, you often start to have anxiety about the “what ifs”. Like, what if I get sick, what if I get called into another meeting, what if my children need me, what if I have an emergency? This leads to anxiety around storing up our spoons to make sure we have them when we need them, which is not always possible. Getting hit with a cold or flu, for everyone can be tough, however, if you are counting spoons, it can really make a large impact on your wellbeing and functioning. Having the Spoon Theory can be a really helpful way to get validation and support from those around you. I have found it helpful not only for my own understanding of myself, my limitations, but in communicating with loved ones. 


 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT….pronounced like the word “act”) is a mindfulness based behavioral therapy that focuses on taking action. ACT helps you understand and identify your values and how your values guide, motivate, and inspire your behaviors. A major aspect of ACT is identifying how to do these things mindfully.

One of ACT’s core messages is “accept what is out of your personal control and commit to taking action that enriches your life”. The way this shows up in real life is if I am going through something difficult, i.e. experiencing a loss, focusing my energy on something that is important to me, something I have a passion for, gives me fulfillment and purpose that otherwise could be lost by the loss. For this reason, ACT can be particularly useful when dealing with chronic disorders or conditions. Yes, I might have pain or physical limitations, however, I can still have a full and meaningful life. 

The goal of ACT is to create a rich and meaningful life while accepting the pain that inevitably goes with it. The “pain” can be things like grief, loss, rejection, disappointment, failure, illness, injury, aging, and the list goes on. These things are inevitable to happen in our lives and oftentimes are the reason we seek out support or therapy. ACT gives us tools to cope with these things, accept that we cannot change them, and continue to live our lives with meaning and purpose. You might be thinking “it’s not that easy” and you are right. These things do not change or get better over night, however, the skills used in ACT guide you through that process.

The nice part about it is that once you have learned these skills, you can apply them to other situations or events in the future. Identifying our values gives us a foundation we can always pull back to. Sometimes we just need that reminder or refresher to get back on track. 

 

Here are some quick things to know about ACT:

Issues ACT is evidenced based in:

  • Mood disorders (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder)
  • Substance use disorders
  • Chronic pain
  • Chronic illness
  • Post traumatic stress disorder
  • Grief/loss
  • Intrusive thoughts

 

The core principles of ACT are:

  • Contacting the present moment (being psychologically present)
  • Defusion (separating or detaching from our thoughts, images, and memories)
  • Acceptance (opening up and providing space for the painful feelings, sensations, urges, and emotions)
  • Self-as-context (identifying the thinking self and the observing self)
  • Values (know what matters to you)
  • Committed action (taking effective action guided by your values)

 

Living with a chronic condition or invisible illness is undeniably challenging, but tools like the Spoon Theory and ACT can help you navigate with resilience and purpose. Remember, you are not alone, and support is available. Be kind to yourself, focus on what matters, and take it one step—and one spoon—at a time.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

12 Lessons from My 39th Year

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I began doing this birthday exercise a couple of years ago after I was introduced to the idea by Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast. As I read through hundreds of journal entries from my last year, the theme of my 39th year seemed to jump off the pages at me: relearning the lessons I thought I had already mastered. Through these pages, I witnessed myself frequently reframing my inner narrative, taking a step back, zooming out, and trying to notice the lessons I’ve learned…and learned again, and again. 

 

For a brief moment I let shame get to me, with its unhelpful critique of “You should have known how to handle that with more wisdom,” or “you know better than to be so hard on yourself.” But the truth is, we never become infallible or impervious, despite how much practice we’ve had, even if you’re a life coach that teaches self-compassion and mindfulness for a living. We can’t check a box on how human nature has hardwired us to operate, survive and thrive. We can remain curious about why these lessons resurface, and we can go deeper on our healing around them. I’ve come to see this as an incredibly valuable opportunity. 

 

I can see the impact of better understanding myself, and the subsequent attunement to the world outside of me. The quality of my lived experience simply improved. And thus was the undertone for my 39th year – swallowing my pride and embracing a beginner’s mind. I hope that you find my lessons helpful to your own life as well. 

 

Lesson #1 – November 2023

Let go of the things that don’t belong to you. Cherish what is yours – your family, your friendships, your specialness, your worries, your grief, your friendships, your power. All the rest? Return to sender.

In November I was set back by a combination of simultaneous flu and covid, as well as the offset of an ongoing conflict with a friend that took the wind out of me. Looking back, I am saddened by how much time, energy and headspace I gave that conflict over the last year. I tend to take on a lot of emotion from others, and this experience was a pivotal lesson in protecting my emotional and energetic boundaries. I didn’t do a great job at it, but I know that is exactly what I need to practice, so that I can be present with all the beautiful (and not so beautiful, but important) things that do belong to me. 

 

Lesson #2 – December 2023

Community and connection have the power to heal and sustain us.

December was hectic with holiday fun, obligations, and trying to put a bow on 2023 at work. It was so busy that I barely journaled, so I turned to my iPhone photos to rekindle the sentiment of last December. What stood out to me was my deep gratitude for the people that filled this hectic month with meaning. I feel deeply fortunate to have such depth and breadth of relationships, knowing that I am surrounded by support and love from so many circles. Over the holidays, I had the opportunity to be there for loved ones during a time of grief, and in offering that support, I was reminded of the transformative power of authentic love and connection. Though I didn’t do it with anything in return in mind, it was a poignant lesson in how vital community truly is.

 

Lesson #3 – January 2024

There are so many “parts” within each of us that are trying to help us. If we can befriend our internal cast of characters, we can clear the way to self-love.

In January, I set my 2024 intention of “magnetic.” I wanted to attract more of the moments that made me feel buzzy. I felt connected to this intention for the most part, except when my old friend Self-Doubt appeared to knock me down a peg from time to time. As part of the Pathfinder Coaching Program’s retreat in January, we created a workshop focused on “Parts” work, a method that helps you understand the different emotions, behaviors, or inner personas that may hold conflicting beliefs or needs within you – think of the movie Inside Out. The concept is that when you understand the role that each of these parts play, you can begin to create a healthier inner dialogue between the parts, heal unresolved inner conflicts, which lead to a greater self-understanding. 

 

In order to facilitate this, I had to do the work myself. It was absolutely illuminating to explore the various parts of me, and how much they contradict each other – it’s wild in there! Some of my parts included: the good girl, the rebel, the responsible one, the wild one, the manager, the little girl, the fixer, the perfectionist, the empathizer, the helper, the sensitive, the weakling, the warrior, the romantic, and the pragmatist. When fear or insecurity surfaced, I found it grounding to identify the part of me that felt threatened, offer it care and understanding, and then move forward with renewed steadiness.

 

Lesson #4 – February 2024

Let the light both fill us, and shine forth from us.

I was poetically inspired in February. This passage from Mark Nepo’s Drinking from the River of Light struck me, “Through the window of our mind we take in endless patterns that help us understand the web of life. Through the window of our heart, we feel the thousand ways we are affected by other life, the thousand ways we are each other. It’s imperative that we love our windows and care for them.” This month, in the middle of the Pathfinder Coaching program (which requires significant self reflection and awareness for both the coach and client), I became aware of how much I am filled with light when I have these authentic exchanges with my clients who are doing this work. Though I am the facilitator, helping others to find their light, I draw inspiration and strength from these clients, and find myself again with a beginner’s mind. I dreamt a lot this month, and asked myself “what is my dream?” I want to do this more often. 

 

Lesson #5 – March 2024

At our core, all we truly long for is to be seen, understood, and valued for who we authentically are.

March brought up a swell of grief, looming on the one year anniversary of the tragic shooting at the Covenant School in Nashville. I grappled with my grief, helped clients make sense of theirs, and learned so much from them. I experienced some shame and imposter syndrome around my grief – since I was not directly related to any of the victims, I minimized and invalidated my grief. Despite all the data I know to be true, I experienced for myself that unchecked grief turns into a pressure cooker of emotions. I reframed my shame into “you are a loving person who feels deeply connected to your community.” I went to therapy, attended the Safer TN human chain that spanned nearly four miles through downtown Nashville, and wrote an email to The Happy Hour community expressing my feelings. I felt relieved, connected, and less alone after letting out my “undeserved” grief, and I didn’t feel like an imposter once it was out in the open. I received a lot of replies of community members feeling the same way, and feeling less alone after connecting in this way. 

 

As Elizabeth Gilbert says in Big Magic, “authenticity has quiet resonance that never fails to stir me. Just say what you want to say, then, and say it with all your heart.”

 

Lesson #6 – April 2024

Love is something if you give it away, you end up having more.

This is a lyric from a song that my kids were singing on repeat in April, and it really resonated with me. I found myself caught up in a lot of minutiae in my worklife this month, which felt constrictive and a little desperate. I did a lot of reflecting on my “why” and asked myself, “what would it look like to approach life from my highest power?” I wanted to take a page out of my kids’ book and tune into truth and child-like joy in order to find the wisdom of my adult self. Cue the aforementioned song lyric. Dance parties helped too. 

 

Lesson #7 – May 2024

10x is easier than 2x.

I was enveloped in this book by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy this month. 10x is Easier Than 2x is a book about concepts you can apply to grow your business, and how going for 10x growth is actually easier and more doable than 2x. It seems counterintuitive, but this book took me by surprise in a personal sense more than anything. I explored my top 20% in my personal life, and strategized how to prioritize those things, while giving myself permission to ditch the other 80%. I’m not all the way to ditching the bottom four fifths of what takes up my time, but it’s a worthwhile endeavor. I love how the authors talk about wealth creation being a compilation of time, relationships, money and purpose. 

 

Lesson #8 – June 2024

Recognize and embrace your unique strengths, even without external validation.

This month I spent time reflecting on my “unique ability,” another concept from the book I mentioned in May’s lesson. Even when we aren’t getting external high fives or accolades, we always have a unique ability – each and everyone one of us. This exercise may feel a little egotistical, but it is meant to help remind you of what you’re made of. It doesn’t imply that you shouldn’t try to improve your weaker muscles, but rather, not to let them take up more air time than your strengths. When you focus on maximizing your exceptional qualities, you will go further than trying to slightly improve across a wide range of areas, where you’ll theoretically be just OK at a bunch of stuff instead of exceptional at a few things. 

 

Lesson #9 – July 2024

Before our inner critics got so big, we were born with unbridled love.

This came to me the night before my son’s fifth birthday. Since the day he was born, he opened me up to so much love, kindness, and faith that I didn’t know was possible. It sounds cliche… and a little nauseating, I admit, but cliches are cliches for a reason I suppose! Reflecting on his uniqueness, particularly his unbridled love, made me begin to question when we start to lose that natural instinct. I prayed that nothing would ever happen to make him dim that light, and in doing so was reminded that we all have this light. What would it take to amplify that light in me regularly? How can I be more like George?

 

Lesson #10 – August 2024

It’s ok not to have all the answers.

I said goodbye to my shadow of 12 years, my dog Nacho. In addition to practicing my own healthy grieving, I was pushed to my depths of holding space, as my kids were devastated by the loss. The loss, which also propelled hundreds of questions around death and faith. I so badly wanted to fix this for them and take on their pain, but this was an exceptional lesson for all of us in the importance of sitting with discomfort. I wanted to give them some sort of certainty or timeline of what they’d feel next, but I simply didn’t know, and I had comfort in knowing that that was ok. Presence with the discomfort is the only way through. 

 

This passage from poet, yung pueblo, resonated with me this month: “Down moments will try to make you forget how much you have actually accomplished. You have overcome too much to let heavy emotions confuse you. Stop listening to the noise and ground yourself in the fact that storms do not last forever.” 

 

Lesson #11 – September 2024

When in doubt, go back to the basics.

This month was full of life with our first-ever THH Retreat, closing on a new home, surviving back to school, launching a mobile app, my 14th wedding anniversary, my hubby’s bday, my daughter turning seven, and the realization that there’s no turning back time. I felt myself teetering on overwhelm in September, and found comfort in going back to the basics. I grounded myself time and time again with the following questions: How am I feeling right now? What is my 20% What felt good today? Who am I? What is my why?

 

On the flight to our retreat, I worked through The Happy Hour’s Core Value exercise for the umpteenth time, to reground myself on what was important in that particular season of life. It was a helpful reminder of what I wanted to embody during those intense few days facilitating deep personal discovery with the retreat participants. While at the retreat, I bought a book by Alexandra Elle, called How We Heal, that started off with an inspiring “fill in the blank” exercise that I’ll share below. 

 

The magic that happened during the retreat felt like the start of a new chapter. I’m not entirely sure why, but that was the feeling I had. I’m trusting my gut enough to go with it. 

 

Ten Reasons Why I Heal (Alexandra Elle)

I am healing because I want…

I am healing because I need…

I am healing because I deserve…

I am healing because I feel…

I am healing because I see…

I am healing because I love…

I am healing because my…

I am healing because I am…

I am healing because I can…

I am healing because I choose…

 

Lesson #12 – October 2024

Embrace the gift of slowing down to listen within.

After the retreat in September, I felt renewed with positive energy and started thinking about my upcoming year. The last year in my 30s. My hope for this year is to show up fully as an adult, without holding back because of worry or “shoulds,” and to live fully in my authentic presence that has come out of her shell in the last 5 years…to let that be my home, my comfort zone, my beacon. 

 

I started pulling Animal cards (almost) daily, to help ignite self reflection, an idea one of my beloved clients introduced me to on our retreat. Against the odds, I pulled “Lamb” and “Owl” on six out of the 21 days that I pulled cards. Btw, there are 78 cards total, if you want to do the math. The themes of each of these cards are as follows:

  • “Lamb” – Peaceful, prophetic, patient
  • “Owl” – Abundance, clairvoyant, treasures

 

These were timely reminders as I walked into my 40th year of life. I feel like life is just beginning.

What is a Marriage and Family Therapist?

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Hi, my name is Christa Booker. I’m currently a Marriage and Family Therapy intern at The Happy Hour. You may recognize me from my previous work as a certified holistic life coach, a journey I began in 2020 at the onset of COVID-19. During my time working with individuals and groups at The Happy Hour, I noticed a significant pattern: relationships in my clients’ lives were shifting, influenced by the unique challenges of the pandemic. As I supported them through these changes, my curiosity deepened, and I developed a new passion for understanding the dynamics of human relationships. The relationships we form are essential to our overall well-being, and I became eager to explore this further. 

 

Now, I am pursuing a graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy at Lipscomb University. I am currently an intern where I work with individual clients, families and couples under supervision.

 

The title “Marriage and Family Therapist” can be a bit misleading. Like all counseling professionals, I address a range of individual and relational issues. The distinctive training of an MFT focuses on understanding relational systems. We examine patterns of interaction and cycles within families, always considering the broader context of a person’s life. My approach is holistic, viewing problems in the context of the entire relational system, not just the individual. Whether working with an individual, couple, or family, I take into account the complex influences of interaction, beliefs, culture, upbringing, and relationships to better understand and address the challenges my clients face. 

 

So the basics of what an MFT is summed up best from the AAMFT website: We will focus on understanding your symptoms within interactions and relationships. The existing environment and context is given careful examination paying particular attention to the family system – as defined by you.  MFTs treat predominantly individuals but always from the perspective that “relationships matter.”

 

Work with Christa at a Reduced Rate!

Enjoy a reduced intern rate on one-on-one or duo therapy with Christa while she completes her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling. If you’ve worked with Christa previously, you’ll know that this is a steal!

Supervision will be provided indirectly by one of our licensed therapists while Christa is practicing at The Happy Hour.

 

Book now

A Season of Change

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Basic girl confession: fall has always been my favorite season. It probably started when I was a little girl; anxiously awaiting the start of school, getting super pumped about my new school supplies and the fresh start. Even as an adult, I still associate fall with monumental change. For me, it prompts a desire for more self-improvement and a renewed commitment to my values more than the traditional “New Years Resolutions.”

 

Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.

John C. Maxwell

 

Although I’ve always welcomed change, it does not mean I’m immune to the fear and apprehension that comes with transitions. Change, especially one in which we did not actively choose, is often complicated by many different emotions. With fear of change also comes resistance. When we resist change, our anxiety grows, our desire to control our surroundings increases, and ultimately, many aspects of our life suffer.

How can we not only accept change but also welcome it? One of the things I love to work on with my clients is finding their values, what guides them, and connecting to their inner strength. I find that if we have a good understanding of who we are, the Earth can spin around us and we still have peace.

One of my favorite meditations urges us to “Let go of any resistance to the turning of the earth. Fall becomes winter, or winter then spring. Let it. Don’t pin the leaves to the trees to keep them from falling, nor lie on the ground to keep the new grass from sprouting.” Isn’t it ridiculous to think we can stop the seasons by pinning the leaves to the trees or preventing the grass from sprouting? It’s no different than thinking we can prevent other things in our world from changing. The beauty is in becoming softer to the realities of transition, while holding steady, anchored in your self-image, values, and goals.

So, who’s ready for Fall?

xoxo

Amy

The content of this blog is for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for a therapeutic relationship.

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE SELF-CARE PLANNER HERE

Reclaiming the “New School Year” Feeling as an Adult

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It’s that time of year, school has returned. As I look around and see parents and children start to prepare to go back, it makes me nostalgic for that experience. Remember the excitement of a new school year? The thrill of a fresh start, the promise of new opportunities, the joy of recommitting to goals, and the simple pleasure of new clothes? As adults, our lives often follow a continuous rhythm without those clear markers for renewal. However, it’s entirely possible to recreate that invigorating “new school year” feeling. Here’s how:

 

1. Embrace the Power of a Fresh Start

Even though we don’t get a structured “new year” like in school, we can create our own fresh starts. Pick a day, month, or new quarter to take a step back, evaluate your goals, and set new intentions. This could be the perfect time to start a new project, pick up a new hobby, or even make a career shift. By regularly giving yourself permission to start anew, you create that same sense of anticipation and possibility.

 

2. Set Clear, Achievable Goals

As kids, we had clear goals for the school year—getting good grades, making new friends, or participating in an extracurricular activity. As adults, our goals can sometimes become vague. To reignite that sense of achievement, set specific, measurable goals for yourself. Whether it’s learning a new skill, improving your fitness, or doing something outside your comfort zone, having clear objectives gives you something exciting to work toward. 

 

3. Refresh Your Environment

Remember how a new backpack or school supplies made you feel ready to tackle the year? You can do the same now by refreshing your environment. Whether it’s redecorating your workspace, reorganizing your home, or treating yourself to a new outfit, changing your surroundings can have a powerful psychological impact. This small act can make you feel renewed and ready for new challenges.

 

4. Invest in Self-Development

Just as the school year was a time for learning and growth, make personal development a priority in your adult life. Sign up for a course, attend a workshop, or dive into a book on a topic that interests you. The act of learning something new can reignite that sense of curiosity and excitement that comes with the start of a new school year. Remember it’s never too late to learn something new!

 

5. Create a New Routine

The structure of a school day gave a sense of order and accomplishment. As adults, our routines can become monotonous. Shake things up by creating a new daily or weekly routine that incorporates activities you’re passionate about. Whether it’s a morning meditation, a weekly creative session, or regular outdoor activities, a new routine can bring that sense of excitement back into your life.

 

6. Celebrate Your Progress

In school, we had report cards and awards to mark our achievements. As adults, it’s easy to forget to celebrate our successes. Make it a habit to acknowledge your progress regularly. This could be as simple as writing down what you’re proud of each week or treating yourself after reaching a milestone. Celebrating your achievements keeps you motivated and reminds you of how far you’ve come.

 

7. Revisit Your Childhood Passions

Finally, reconnect with what excited you as a child. Was it art, sports, writing, exploring the outdoors, or just simply getting lost in play? Revisiting these passions can evoke that youthful joy and enthusiasm. Integrating these activities into your adult life can make every day feel like a new adventure.

 

While we may not have the built-in marker of a new school year, we can still cultivate that fresh start feeling as adults. By setting goals, refreshing our environment, and investing in self-development, we can bring back the eagerness and possibilities that came with a new school year. Remember, there’s always an opportunity to start anew, grow, and celebrate your journey.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

 

 

If you’re looking for support and guidance as you navigate your “new school year”, or any other life transitions, Erin Kaminski, CHC can help you set goals, and provide you with the tools you need to thrive in your next chapter.

Book coaching with Erin here.



Are Modern Women More Stressed?

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In the relentless pursuit of “having it all,” women today find themselves shouldering an immense burden—one that often goes unnoticed and unaddressed. The pressure to excel in careers, maintain a picture-perfect home, nurture relationships, and still find time for self-care has created a perfect storm of stress. This phenomenon isn’t just taxing; it’s a silent epidemic that deeply affects women’s mental, physical, and relational health.

 

According to the American Psychological Association, women consistently report higher levels of stress than men. This is true in most areas of a woman’s life:

 

Work

The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health reports that women have higher work-related stress. This is attributed to the unique stressors women in the work force face, such as gender discrimination, unequal pay, and the pressure to balance career and family responsibilities.

 

Family

The Pew Research Center found that women experience almost 20% more stress than men when it relates to the demands of parenting.

 

Psychologically

Women are almost twice as likely than men to experience symptoms of anxiety and depression.

 

Physiologically

Increase stress results in triggering of hormones that can lead to elevated blood pressure, compromised immune function, headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and even an increase risk of heart disease.

 

So, how can we begin to address this crisis? Many of us know the “right” answers to this question: setting boundaries, effective communication, setting realistic expectations, etc. The challenge isn’t as much knowing what will help; it’s knowing how to implement the changes we know we must take if we want to begin to find freedom from the hamster wheel of stress so many of us find ourselves on.

 

The Practical Tools for Busy Women panel event on July 11th intends to address the how that we all struggle to conceptualize. Together Amy Narusas, LCSW, Natalie Durda, LCSW, and Elise Scott, MD (all busy women themselves!) will provide practical solutions and tools women can utilize to reclaim balance.

SAVE YOUR SPOT AND SAY GOODBYE TO BURNOUT

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

Comparison

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If “comparison is the thief of joy,” (as eloquently stated by President Theodore Roosevelt), why do we continue to measure ourselves against others? Unhealthy comparison to others is a big issue I see in a lot of my clients (and let’s be honest, something I do myself). When doing some research about comparison and why we do it, I ran across an interesting podcast hosted by Jordan Harbinger. The podcast highlights why humans are apt to compare themselves to others, the different types of comparison, why comparison can be harmful, and how we can adapt our negative tendency to compare into positive motivation for betterment.

 

Why do we compare ourselves and why is it harmful? Comparison to others has evolutionary roots. Self-reflection can be motivating; sometimes we need to see what others are doing to know how to compete, learn, and grow. Social Comparison Theory speculates that we can’t really define ourselves without first evaluating others. The harm can begin when the act of evaluating ourselves or others becomes demotivating instead of motivating.

 

According to the podcast, there are three types of comparison; self-enhancement, self-verification, and self-assessment.

Comparison for self-enhancement is what we do when we walk into a yoga class and think “At least I am more flexible than that guy over there.” It’s used to make ourselves feel better about our own abilities. 

Comparison for self-verification is used to confirm what we already think about ourselves. Example: we agonize over the “better” clothes, car, vacations, etc. of a friend who we know has a different financial situation than we do. The comparison is used to validate the feeling that we don’t have enough or aren’t worth enough. 

But all comparison isn’t unhealthy or toxic. Comparison for self-assessment is geared towards curiosity and growth. Self-assessment asks, where am I now in my abilities or goals? What do I need to do to be more like someone I admire? This thinking shift relieves us of the toxic, growth-limiting beliefs that come from comparison for self-enhancement or self-verification.

 

So, how do we get out of the cycle of comparison that does harm? Next time you find yourself evaluating others, ask yourself, “Is this thought going to motivate me to change? Is it going to confirm something negative I already feel about myself? Or is it going to make me put myself in a higher position over someone else?” If you find yourself falling into the latter traps, reframe the thought into a curious question. Is there anything I can work towards to be more like this person? Do I need to drag others down to offer myself a confidence boost?

 

I recommend listening to the podcast for a deeper dive into this important topic. Maybe it’s not realistic to say you won’t compare yourself to others, but perhaps the shift to a self-assessment mindset can help you keep your joy. 

 

Xoxo

Amy

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

 

 

Book therapy with Amy Jackson, LCSW-MPH here.

LGBTQIA+ Resources

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Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.

— Brené Brown

 

As we celebrate our LGBTQIA+ community this Pride month, we can’t help but be struck with admiration. This community continues to fight hate with love, and has had the courage to own their story and love themselves – even when others try to invalidate them. This kind resilience, acceptance, and grounded sense of self is something we should all aspire to embody. 

 

That’s not to say that even the most self-assured members of the LGBTQIA+ community don’t struggle in the face of bigotry, wrestle with their identity, and feel out of place – finding themselves seeking a tight-knit community.  

 

At The Happy Hour, our door is always open to you, no matter how you identify or who you love. We have compiled a list of resources to help you find support and build your community in Nashville.

 

LGBTQIA+ Mental and Physical Health Resources:

  • Vanderbilt VIVID Health – A safe and welcoming place to find healthcare and resources for the LGBTQIA+ community.
  • Healing in the Margins – Cultivates systemic change and fosters healing by providing resources and programming in mental health spaces tailored to the LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC. They sometimes run support groups, so it can be worth emailing to get on the waitlist for the next group.
  • Healing Umbrella – Also runs support groups for those in the LGBTQIA+ community. Their current group is for teens looking for support and community while navigating their identity.

 

LGBTQIA+ Social and Community Groups:

  • PFLAG – PFLAG Nashville provides free support for parents and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. They host meetings and events for both those in the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as loved ones looking to better understand and support. They hold space, encourage, guide, and assist as people work to understand what it means to be LGBTQIA+. You can also follow them on Facebook here. 
  • Mama Dragons – A national non-profit that provides support groups, resources, parenting classes and community for mothers of LGBTQIA+ children.
  • It Gets Better – A global non-profit organization who uplit, empower, and connect LGBTQIA+ people worldwide through storytelling educational resources and community.
  • Oasis Center – A Nashville-based community center that provides support for runaway and at-risk teens, via crisis intervention, community and youth leadership.
  • Gay Church – An organization dedicated to connecting God with those in the LGBTQIA+ community. It also has a nationwide directory to help those who would like to attend church, find a welcoming and Affirming Christian Church near them. 
  • Inclusion TN – Connects people, opportunities, and resources to enrich and enhance the multi-faceted LGBTQIA+ community. They promote justice and equity for our trans, queer, black, brown, and gold communities throughout the South by collaborating with those with a shared bold vision of a future where liberation is championed.

 

Crisis Support:

Banishing Burnout

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I want to talk about a topic that is garnering lots of attention, but still lacks clear solutions – burnout. It’s on the rise, affecting an astonishing number of Americans with symptoms like mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion, decreased productivity, feelings of dread, and increased likelihood of being susceptible to illness. 

 

Frequently we hear about burnout being related to the workplace, and it certainly is. A poll conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that upwards of 52% of people reported feeling burnt out at work. However, I think it’s more helpful to take a broader perspective, and consider that workplace overwhelm is just one part of the burnout puzzle. I have personally found that it’s also the mental load of being a parent, the hundreds of activities to not only organize for my family, but to also to be present for. It’s the desire to want to stay connected to friends and family who are important to me, which requires regular communication, planning and time spent together. It’s the responsibility of giving back to the community through volunteering to causes that I hold dear. It’s the need to carve out time that is just for me and my own wellbeing and development. 

 

Earlier this year, I felt myself teetering on the edge of burnout. Cue the imposter syndrome – I’m a LIFE COACH, I help people get out of burnout, how could I have let this happen!? Well, I suppose I am only human after all. I share this to illustrate that I do this work for a living, I practice what I preach, and I’m still not impervious to experiencing burnout. 

 

As a care-giver both in and out of the office, feeling emotionally connected to others is crucial for me – it gives my life purpose and meaning. When I noticed myself feeling emotionally depleted, I knew something had to change. 

 

I admitted to myself that I had pushed too hard, said “yes” too often, and miscalculated my time and energy. In hindsight, it’s a pretty honest mistake, and simply acknowledging my feelings felt like it lifted a weight. As our Medical Director, Dr. Frock said in a previous blog post – “it’s important to normalize and validate burnout so that you don’t spiral deeper into those feelings. Reminding yourself that it’s probably okay to feel what you’re feeling, and to bring some commonality to the situation, ‘If 100 people were put in this position, how many of them would likely feel the way I feel?’ Often, the answer is that 95+ people would feel the same way.” This all reiterated that I’m just a well-intentioned human doing the best I can to make the world a happier place. 

 

Next, I turned to my trusty tools. My favorite time management tool is the Eisenhower Matrix, which helps bring so much clarity and space to the never-ending to-do list. Framing my tasks this way is an instant stress relief, and I was beginning to see more clearly.

 

But, here’s where the big mindset shift happened. I regrounded myself in a quality over quantity approach that I had been veering away from little by little. How would my plan for the week change if I were to focus on the top 20% of my tasks that were most rewarding – financially, emotionally and mentally? It’s not a perfect science, and sometimes you can’t completely delete the bottom 80%, but it helped me to reframe how much energy I needed to spend on less critical tasks. Scheduling blocks on my calendar for those bottom 80% tasks, helps me to be able to create more space to focus on the 20% that truly mattered. 

 

All of this has cleared space for me to reground in my why personally and professionally. It has allowed me to feel re-energized, inspired, purposeful and connected to the bigger picture. Life has a way of teaching us lessons over and over again, and reminds me that no matter how much I am in the ‘teacher’ role, the role of student is perhaps the most important. 

 

7 Steps to Minimize Burnout: 

  1. Name what you’re feeling
  2. Normalize and validate it
  3. Bring commonality of experience into your perspective
  4. Prioritize your life/workload, delegate and delete 
  5. Asses – What are your top 20% most rewarding tasks?
  6. Schedule intentional time for the other tasks, and don’t let them creep into your top 20% time. 
  7. Reground in your Why

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

Building Healthy Habits for Mental Wellness

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You have probably seen or heard lots of different suggestions on what to do if you are feeling down, depressed or anxious. I.e. “go outside”, “exercise”, “journal”, etc. It can be frustrating when we know the things to do, however, we just can’t seem to do them. Or we struggle to do them consistently. If you have ever found yourself feeling frustrated for “falling off” of a healthy habit, this is for you! 

 

First- Identify the healthy habit you are wanting to start.

Make sure it is small, measurable, and reasonable. 

 

Second- Identify why this habit is important to you.

Make sure your answer to this is personal and bonus points if you can identify what value it is aligned with. Try to avoid your reason being “because it is good for you” or “because someone told me to”. Yes, these can be the initial reasons, however, if the only reason we are doing something is because we “should” we are not likely to stick with it. Try to dig deep and find a personal connection to this habit/action. For example, if your healthy habit is to journal daily 1 positive thing and 1 thing you struggled with from that day. You might connect this with your value of balance or value of gratitude. By connecting our habits with a value, we have more buy in to continue to engage in the healthy habit. Another option is to align your healthy habit with a larger goal you have. This could be exercising or training for a race.

 

Third- Identify what time of day you are most consistent.

For some of us, we are most consistent in the morning because we have a morning routine we engage in prior to work. If you have a more fluctuating or busy morning, you might find more consistency in your evening routine. Once you have identified the time of day you are most consistent, pair your new healthy habit with an already established routine. This could be when you take your vitamins or medicine, or when you wash your face in the evening before bed. 

 

Finally- Be realistic with yourself.

You are not going to engage in your healthy habit 100% of the time. It is important to remember you are human. If you are too black and white, you will not be successful. If you miss a day, give yourself grace and re-commit for the next day. If we beat ourselves up for missing a day and give up, we are going to stay stuck. 

 

Remember, building habits take time. The more you connect and align with your habits, the easier it is to stick with it. Don’t forget you can always go back to the drawing board. If a habit is not working for you, come back to this and try again. You may have picked something too big or not aligned fully with your values. Start small, stay mindful, and you will succeed!

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP. 

 

Amy Narusas, LCSW is drawn to helping clients process difficult events, find their meaning in life, heal from past experiences, and cope with anxiety, depression, and life transitions. She has a specialization in substance use and mental health and is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

 

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